Self-Doubt

Today was the final day of my Meditation Teachers Course.  It’s been a fantastic course and I have enjoyed every minute of it.  My fellow students have been a joy to be with.

But today I had a big attack of self-doubt.

We all had to lead a meditation and everyone was so good.  Some had written their own which were so personal and beautiful.  All of the deliveries were perfect and I enjoyed every one.

Then it was my turn.  And there I was, thinking about all the things I forgot to include, all the things I had included and maybe shouldn’t have.  Was I delivering it too fast – was it too slow and boring?  Would they all hate it?  But I did it and then it was over, I had taken them on a journey and brought them back again.  Time for my feedback!

It really wasn’t too bad – yes, of course, there were things I could have done better but why did I think I had to be perfect?  I was learning, no-one expected perfection.  My meditation teaching would be one big learning curve, as was everything in life.  The more I did the better I would become, so why was I beating myself up today?  I guess we all have doubts from time to time, I just have to learn to deal with them!

It never ceases to amaze me how our guides work with us, bringing us exactly what we need at the appropriate moment.   Three things happened this morning that I felt were personal for me – i) before we started our day our tutor led us in a meditation using Diane Cooper’s Wisdom Cards.  The card I drew was “Acceptance” and the affirmation was “I will accept myself and others”; ii) our first student-led meditation was all about increasing self-confidence and self-belief; and iii) the rest of the group didn’t understand what my problem was as they felt my meditation was as good as the others and they enjoyed the experience.  It seemed I was the only one who doubted it.

So, bit of a kick up the bum for me!