When I had cancer I was constantly being told “let’s just take it one day at a time”. I wanted to scream and yell at the doctors – why couldn’t they answer my questions, why couldn’t they tell me I was going to be ok?
These past few weeks after my Dad’s stroke I had those same feelings. The doctors couldn’t give me any answers and I couldn’t make any plans. I felt out of control and my life was in limbo, exactly the same feelings I had during the cancer.
Only this time I took time out and really started to think about the way I was feeling, why did I need to be in control of everything? Well, I still don’t know the answer to that but I do know it doesn’t have to be that way.
A few months ago I decided that I would try to live more in the present, be in the now, but it wasn’t always easy to do. And, of course, it was easier when my life was running smoothly. Now I have issues to deal with, emotions get in the way and I have to deal with all the practical stuff that comes with being the only child of a parent who’s preparing to pass.
I’m not pretending it’s easy but, you know, living in the now actually does work. Why worry about doing something when today you can do nothing about it. Put it out of your mind until tomorrow, or the day that it will be possible to do something. And actually what I have found is some of the things that I worried about at the beginning of my Dad’s illness are now totally irrelevant because events have overtook the need for action. The worry about what I should do at that time was pointless.
This morning I woke up whittling about whether I needed to get the gas board to turn off the gas to the cooker, but I can’t do anything today because it’s Sunday. It’s out of my mind now, I’ll think about it again tomorrow.
So I recommend trying to live in the now, the present moment – give it a go, what have you got to lose?
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