A Sudden Passing

At the beginning of the week I heard of a young woman who passed suddenly.  Everyone who knew her and her family was in a state of shock and wondering why life was so cruel.

This really made me think about my own feelings and, I must admit, I found I was questioning too.  But I have my thoughts which I will share with you.

I am very sorry that the young woman passed, but her time here is over.  She had chosen her life before coming here, has completed what she came here to do and it’s time for her to go.  I know she is going home and will be looked after during her transition; she will be ok.

My thoughts and love are with her family and friends now who are struggling to come to terms with their loss, and trying to find answers why.  Even when we have the answers, it doesn’t make it any less painful to deal with the physical loss of a loved one from this life.

But they, too, have chosen this life and maybe this loss is one of their lessons, maybe some of them have to learn to deal with loss and grief.  I don’t know, these are only my thoughts.

But, surprisingly, what I am finding is that knowing what I know is not making it any easier for me, in fact if anything it makes it harder.  While everyone else is ranting and raving about the injustice, the tragedy, how could God be so cruel, etc, I find that I can’t join in with them because I know different.  They think I’m hard and uncaring.

I can’t tell them my truth – for one they wouldn’t believe me and secondly, I don’t think it is my place to do so.  All I can do, and what I did immediately, was make Reiki available for all who would accept it.  I will be here when and if needed and I will hold the space for them to heal.

The Passing

It’s finally happened, my Dad passed on Thursday night and went home.

Through my lifetime I have said goodbye to many people who I have loved, but it’s hard to say goodbye to a parent.  My Dad has always been there for me, through the good times and the tough times, I will so miss not having him around to share my life with.

And yet I am not totally consumed by grief – I am terribly, terribly sad, yes, but I’m ok.  I was eighteen when my Mum passed and I remember that feeling of all-consuming despair, the grief because I would never see her again, the anger that she had been taken from me and, yes, the need to blame someone for her death.

Forty years on and I feel totally different.  Is it because I’m older and wiser?  Is it because my Dad is older and has had a good life?  Is it because at the age of 86 he was nearing his time to go?  Well, yes, it could be any one or a combination of those things, but more importantly I know now that his passing is not the end of my Dad.

Through this whole period of Dad’s illness and passing I have learnt, and am learning, some really valuable lessons.

I have learnt that I don’t always have to be strong for others, so now if I want to cry I will.  Grief is an emotion that I am experiencing right now and I will own it, I will go with it and allow it to flow from me as it will.  Soon it will start to subside.

I have learnt not to feel guilty about things that are outside of my control.  I could not have been with Dad as he passed because he deteriorated too rapidly to allow me to make the 2-hour journey to be with him.

I will not allow others to make me question myself as to whether I could have/should have done more.  I did what I could at the time and I will not live with regrets.

I guess when anyone passes, the past and the memories are at the forefront of the mind.  My memories are, on the whole, happy and loving ones.  Yes there are a few that could be better but who wouldn’t change a few things if it were possible?  What I am finding now is that I’m looking at the not so good memories and releasing them, so I am having a real good clearing out of all the clutter and things that no longer serve me.

Through this sad time in my life I find that I am learning things of such value, I am embracing the situation rather than seeing it as something that I have to get through as quickly as possible.

During this past week I have felt such tremendous love and support from my guides and angels.  They have been there to help guide me through some of the decisions I have had to make, and they will be with me tomorrow when I have to register the death and make the final arrangements, they will be with me through the funeral, and they will be with me in the weeks that follow as I adjust to a life without my Dad.