Highs & Lows

This time of year always brings about time for both reflection and anticipation and I spent most of yesterday reflecting over 2014 and everything it brought for me - the lows as well as the highs. I have learnt over the past year that you have to have some low points in order to learn and grow; to bring balance. I'm not always sure what my lesson is, but I trust that it is needed. I have also learnt to really enjoy the highs, to be grateful and to let it move on when the time is right.

One of the highs for me in 2014 was to have my son home for Christmas. He arrived on his birthday - 24 November - and left again on Boxing Day. I had a whole month with him and I enjoyed every single moment of it. Yes, I was sad when he left, but I knew it was time for him to move forward in his journey. We talked a great deal while he was home and I am so proud of the man he has become. We now travel the same pathway, albeit at different rates.

The greatest honour for me during his stay was to take him through Reiki Level 1. I cannot begin to describe how blessed I felt - not only did he want to embrace Reiki but he wanted me to be his Reiki Master!

Was this my highlight in 2014? It was one of many.

The Harshness of Life

Last week we saw a teenager kill one of his teachers in school. The nation was horrified, and quite rightly so. What on earth is our world coming to when young people can take another's life so carelessly. I thought about this tragic incident for a long while, trying to understand and make sense of it all.

On a spiritual level I get it. Before returning to this life, the boy had chosen this as his lesson to learn. Coming from the same Soul Group the teacher agreed to play her part in his lesson and chose to be the victim. Their love for one another is unending and unconditional. From the teacher's point of view her job is done, she has helped this young man and now she can go home.  The boy has to continue with his lesson and live out the rest of his life coping with the tough consequences. So what was his lesson to learn, you may ask. I have no idea and I should think at this point in time, neither does he.

Now don't get me wrong, just because I understand all that doesn't mean that I like it. I feel a deep sadness for the teacher and her family and I also feel compassion for the boy and his family - they are all going through a very tough time.

And I live in this world where acts of violence appal and anger me; the blatant disregard some folk have for others is shocking to say the least. Sometimes I want to hit out and retaliate, but that's not the answer. As Gandhi once said "an eye for an eye makes the whole world blind".

I don't have any answers, maybe there are none. Maybe this is exactly how it's meant to be until we all start to realise that humanity has to change, that we have to move as one towards love and compassion in order to survive.

Sometimes I feel like I'm living in two worlds and I find it difficult to merge the harsh realities of this life with my spiritual awareness. 

Reflection

This is usually the time of the year to stop and take stock of all that has happened throughout the past 12-months.  What was good, what not so good?  What would you change, what would you keep the same? What did you learn?

Over the past couple of days I have done a fair bit of reflecting and whilst the past year has brought some sad and worrying times, times that I could have well done without, there were so many good times and much to make my life happy and perfect.

The tough times helped me to realise just how strong I really am and how absolutely futile worrying is.  I have wasted so much time worrying about people and events that I have no control over; about possible scenarios that never happened and about a future that may never be.  So this year I have learnt to try not to worry – easier said than done, I know, but I am learning.  When worry creeps in I ask myself if there is anything I can do about it today and if the answer is no then I stop worrying today and if the answer is yes, I make changes.

I have learnt to embrace the good times and be totally aware of how happy I am.  I have learnt to live in the present moment - the past has gone, I can't change it and I have no idea what the future holds.  I have learnt to be grateful.  The more grateful I become, the better and more abundant my life gets.

I have spent so much time over the years thinking “should I or shouldn’t I?” and ended up wasting several opportunities.  Now, if it feels right I jump straight in!  My life has been changing at great pace over the past few months and it seems to me that the more I embrace life, the more opportunities arise.  OK, so maybe I will get some things wrong but at least I will have tried.

Life is taking another turn now as my good friend and business partner, Gill, and I are about to move into our new premises and incorporate holistic therapy training alongside our spiritual work as Como Centre for Enlightenment.  I have no idea what the new year holds for us but whatever happens we will grow and learn and, above all, we shall enjoy every step of the journey.

I hope 2013 brings you everything you hope for, but remember that life is what you make of it – you have choices.  If you can’t change the situation, change your attitude towards it.  Seize the opportunities that are presented, do what makes you happy, learn from your experiences, be positive, love one another and, above all, love life.

The Passing

It’s finally happened, my Dad passed on Thursday night and went home.

Through my lifetime I have said goodbye to many people who I have loved, but it’s hard to say goodbye to a parent.  My Dad has always been there for me, through the good times and the tough times, I will so miss not having him around to share my life with.

And yet I am not totally consumed by grief – I am terribly, terribly sad, yes, but I’m ok.  I was eighteen when my Mum passed and I remember that feeling of all-consuming despair, the grief because I would never see her again, the anger that she had been taken from me and, yes, the need to blame someone for her death.

Forty years on and I feel totally different.  Is it because I’m older and wiser?  Is it because my Dad is older and has had a good life?  Is it because at the age of 86 he was nearing his time to go?  Well, yes, it could be any one or a combination of those things, but more importantly I know now that his passing is not the end of my Dad.

Through this whole period of Dad’s illness and passing I have learnt, and am learning, some really valuable lessons.

I have learnt that I don’t always have to be strong for others, so now if I want to cry I will.  Grief is an emotion that I am experiencing right now and I will own it, I will go with it and allow it to flow from me as it will.  Soon it will start to subside.

I have learnt not to feel guilty about things that are outside of my control.  I could not have been with Dad as he passed because he deteriorated too rapidly to allow me to make the 2-hour journey to be with him.

I will not allow others to make me question myself as to whether I could have/should have done more.  I did what I could at the time and I will not live with regrets.

I guess when anyone passes, the past and the memories are at the forefront of the mind.  My memories are, on the whole, happy and loving ones.  Yes there are a few that could be better but who wouldn’t change a few things if it were possible?  What I am finding now is that I’m looking at the not so good memories and releasing them, so I am having a real good clearing out of all the clutter and things that no longer serve me.

Through this sad time in my life I find that I am learning things of such value, I am embracing the situation rather than seeing it as something that I have to get through as quickly as possible.

During this past week I have felt such tremendous love and support from my guides and angels.  They have been there to help guide me through some of the decisions I have had to make, and they will be with me tomorrow when I have to register the death and make the final arrangements, they will be with me through the funeral, and they will be with me in the weeks that follow as I adjust to a life without my Dad.

It's Been a Long Week

It’s exactly one week since my Dad had a stroke and it’s been a week of highs and lows.  There have been several times when we thought “this is it”, but he’s hanging on in there and yesterday was the best I’ve seen him all week.  We’re not out of the woods yet, but we’ll just have to wait and see what happens.

Obviously I’ve been giving and sending him Reiki on a daily basis, and what is really amazing me is that I continue to step out of the way and allow the guides to work.  I had anticipated that I would not be able to do that because I was too emotionally involved.  I thought that I would want to ask for a specific outcome, but no, I am sending the Reiki for his highest possible good.  Quite amazing.

I’m also surprised that I am a lot calmer than I thought I would be and I think my step-family are surprised by my reactions.  Yes, of course I’m upset about what’s happened to my Dad, but I can’t be so demanding of a medical team who don’t have all the answers and can’t comment on his long-term recovery.  I can’t make plans for 6-weeks ahead because I just don’t know what will happen.

I am learning to live in the now, and I am happy to do so.  I don’t know what tomorrow will bring, I hope it will be good but worrying today will not change tomorrow.  I will do my bit by setting good intentions and sending Reiki.

It’s funny you know, although I’ve always known about the bigger picture, I think I am now beginning to realise that it is so.  Dad’s stroke, while horrendous for him and us in this lifetime, is but a fraction of the lifetimes to come.  It’s like I am getting little glimpses of the whole and then I snap back into now – does that make sense?  It’s quite difficult to explain but I’m sure you’ll know what I’m talking about.

So – my Dad’s had a stroke and it’s pretty horrible for all of us.  But we’re not the only family going through this, there is a whole building, at just that one hospital, of families who are coping the best way they can.  I hope that at some point I might be of use to some of the patients and families, but we will see.

I hope I am learning many lessons through this experience, I certainly feel they are there for me.