Choices

Yesterday I wasn’t well at all; I seemed to have picked up some virus that made me dizzy and sick so I had no choice but to stay in bed.

Unable to do anything but sleep and think, I had plenty of time to do some self-Reiki and meditation; both of which were extremely helpful.

During these sessions I found the past kept cropping up a lot – some of it great and some not so great. 

It was during one of the not-so-great sessions that I got some real clarity. 

During our lives we all have to make decisions.  Years ago I made a decision and, whilst I still believe it was the right one for me, I have carried the guilt of it for years.  By making that decision I hurt others; I have felt totally selfish and guilty over taking the route to my own happiness.

But yesterday I finally realised that the decision I made was the right one for me; for once I had followed my heart and not my head which is something we all should strive for.  Yes, I had made others unhappy but they then had the choice to seek their own solutions.  I don’t think I can remain feeling guilty any more if they choose to remain in the past.

So today I feel as though I have shifted something that I have held onto for years.  The past is the past and I cannot alter that and I am truly sorry that I have hurt people; but I have to move forward.

So maybe I needed to be forced to take to my bed yesterday so that I could gain this insight and shed the issues I’ve been holding onto. 

I thank my guides for making it happen – but can I please not have the dizziness anymore!

Self-limiting Beliefs

So I’ve just had this “light-bulb” moment where the truth has smacked me right in the face.  I carry around with me huge self-limiting beliefs which, I am sure, I am not alone in doing.  We all carry ingrained ideas of what we are and what we are not; what we can do and what we can’t.

My belief is that I am no good at any one thing and therefore not as popular as those who excel!  There, I’ve said it – I’ve admitted what I feel.  Of course, logically that’s a nonsense as I know I can do many things and some I can do quite well.  Yes, I have friends and a few that want me for me and not because I come as a package with a group of others. 

But, you see, I’ve always grown up with the belief that I do not excel at anything, I am just Mrs Average.  I was never brilliant at school, or sports – just average.  And the other self-limiting thing I do is compare myself to others – her cakes are always lighter than mine, his writing is so much more interesting than mine, her intuition is so much sharper than mine, and so on and so on.  Because I’ve always carried these beliefs it’s made me feel, if you like, second best  – why would anyone want  me to do something for them when she can do it better, why would anyone want to be my friend when so-and-so is much more interesting and fun.  And then I start to look around for things that have happened that confirm those thoughts.  You begin to see how I have perpetuated this notion?

Well, no more.  It’s now time to shed these beliefs and start to grow into the person I really am.  Yes, there will always be people who can do things better than I can, but that doesn’t mean I am not good at doing them.  Yes, there will always be those who are more popular than me, but that doesn’t make me any less interesting.  OK, at the moment I don’t feel that I excel in any one thing, but that’s because I haven’t found that thing yet.  My own beliefs have held me back.

I am now letting go of those old beliefs, they are not helpful to me.  From now on there are endless possibilities and opportunities for me to shine, and I will.