Reflection

This is usually the time of the year to stop and take stock of all that has happened throughout the past 12-months.  What was good, what not so good?  What would you change, what would you keep the same? What did you learn?

Over the past couple of days I have done a fair bit of reflecting and whilst the past year has brought some sad and worrying times, times that I could have well done without, there were so many good times and much to make my life happy and perfect.

The tough times helped me to realise just how strong I really am and how absolutely futile worrying is.  I have wasted so much time worrying about people and events that I have no control over; about possible scenarios that never happened and about a future that may never be.  So this year I have learnt to try not to worry – easier said than done, I know, but I am learning.  When worry creeps in I ask myself if there is anything I can do about it today and if the answer is no then I stop worrying today and if the answer is yes, I make changes.

I have learnt to embrace the good times and be totally aware of how happy I am.  I have learnt to live in the present moment - the past has gone, I can't change it and I have no idea what the future holds.  I have learnt to be grateful.  The more grateful I become, the better and more abundant my life gets.

I have spent so much time over the years thinking “should I or shouldn’t I?” and ended up wasting several opportunities.  Now, if it feels right I jump straight in!  My life has been changing at great pace over the past few months and it seems to me that the more I embrace life, the more opportunities arise.  OK, so maybe I will get some things wrong but at least I will have tried.

Life is taking another turn now as my good friend and business partner, Gill, and I are about to move into our new premises and incorporate holistic therapy training alongside our spiritual work as Como Centre for Enlightenment.  I have no idea what the new year holds for us but whatever happens we will grow and learn and, above all, we shall enjoy every step of the journey.

I hope 2013 brings you everything you hope for, but remember that life is what you make of it – you have choices.  If you can’t change the situation, change your attitude towards it.  Seize the opportunities that are presented, do what makes you happy, learn from your experiences, be positive, love one another and, above all, love life.

A Past Life?

Last week a friend and I took a trip to the Christmas Markets in Germany.  It was a river cruise down the Rhine stopping off at markets in Cologne, Bonn and Koblenz.  Mornings were spent cruising to our next stop and afternoons spent shopping in the markets and sampling the Gluwein.  The trip was a good one, the river cruise wonderful and the Christmas markets were lovely.

However, watching the passing scenery as we cruised down the Rhine invoked some very uneasy feelings.  I found the old buildings imposing and forbidding.  I had a sense of fleeing in the surrounding forests.  In Cologne we visited the Cathedral but I found it so dark and intimidating that I had to leave.  I have no idea why I experienced such feelings, it’s never happened to me before.  It was so overwhelming at one point that I had to read my book rather than watch the passing scenery.

I have always been drawn to the second World War without ever really knowing why.  I was born several years after the war had finished so never had any first had experience.  But of course, the war was still fresh in the memories of those around me so was I picking up on their experiences?  After all, my Dad had many stories to tell.

But now I am beginning to wonder whether I may have lived during those times and perhaps I should consider a past-life regression.  Is it really possible to reincarnate in such a short space of time? 

I really don’t know but, after those experiences in Germany, I have to find out.

Christmas

I have not really been looking forward to Christmas this year.  It’s going to be totally different as, for the first time in around 30-years, we will be on our own.

Friends who have joined us for Christmas Day for the past 20-odd years won’t be coming, my son is in Africa and won’t be coming home and my lovely Dad passed earlier this year. 

I guess it’s felt a little like the empty nest syndrome.  My Decembers have always been full of activity, preparing for the big day and making it special for others.  This year I have not been able to sum up any enthusiasm.   

So what is wrong with me, I wonder.  Why do I feel the need to surround myself with people and take on all the hard work that Christmas brings to make others happy?  Will it be so bad to be on our own this year?

So time to get a grip, and get over it!!

I have so much in my life to be happy and grateful for, especially at Christmas time.  I’m doing some amazing things leading up to Christmas and next year promises to be fabulous – so what on earth is my problem?

I have a son who I adore and I know he loves me very much.  He is living his life, having a wonderful time and is following his path. Yes, I will miss him, but he is happy.  I had a wonderful and loving father and we shared a special relationship that many don’t.  Yes, I will miss him, but he has now moved on.  I have friends whose company I love and I have not lost that.  Yes, I will miss them but they want to do something different. 

I still have two really special people with me and we will still spend our Christmas Day together.  Yes, it will be different, but different doesn’t always mean worse.  Life is what we make it; we can choose to wallow in self-pity and hate the changes that are enforced upon us or we can embrace the change and look forward to something completely different.

So I will look forward to Christmas and all the specialness that the day will bring.

What a Week

It’s been a week of increasing excitement which culminated yesterday with our first Como Spiritual & Holistic Fair.

A month or so ago Gill, my partner in Como, and I decided we would incorporate holistic training into Como and spent weeks writing manuals for accreditation.  We submitted the manuals at the beginning of the week and heard by the end of it that, with a few tweaks, our manuals will be accredited.

We then got the lease agreement for the property we want to rent, and it all looks fine.  Next week we hope to be signing on the dotted line.

We are already starting to get enquiries from potential students, which is quite amazing as we haven’t even advertised yet.

And finally our Fair went very well and we had a lovely day.  The hall was filled with a mixture of therapists, readers and traders and we even had a lovely young lady lead a Shamanic drumming healing session for everyone present.  Wonderful stuff.

We had international medium David Rowan with us for the day and Gill and I decided to have a joint reading.  Seems like we’re on the right track and next year will be extremely busy for us.  Our centre will go from strength to strength and will help many. 

So, onwards and upwards!

What a week – not sure how it can get any better than that.

Another of Those Dreams

Last night I had another of those vivid dreams that not only stay with you for a while but also make you look deeper into their meaning.

In the dream I was travelling to a training course in a mini-bus.  The bus turned into the car park of a club in our town, but the car park turned into the driveway of a place where I used to work.  I told the driver to keep to the right-hand side of the drive as we needed to go to the canteen.  The canteen was at yet another work location and had turned into a nightclub with a tropical theme.  Some of the people I used to work with were there and I found myself talking to an actor in one of our TV soaps.  I commented about the new building work and he offered to show me around.  As we walked down the driveway we came into a small town in Poland.  The actor pointed out some of the buildings and took me into a home where the lady sold hand-knitted baby clothes.  As I left the house I bumped into a lady who dropped an envelope containing money.  The envelope floated down the gutter and she got quite cross with me, saying that I could have retrieved it for her.  I ran after the envelope but it was picked up by a very old woman running a market stall.  I tried to explain, using hand gestures, that I knew who it belonged to and she agreed that I could take it.  As I picked it up it was much bigger and contained much more money than when the lady dropped it.  I returned the envelope and as she was about to say thank you I woke up.

So, all really weird as only dreams can be.  But my interpretation is this.

The fact that I was going on a training course equates with the holistic training programme that we are incorporating into Como.  Not sure why I went to two of my previous work places or why an actor turned up.  I think the building work represents all the work we are putting into building our business, plus the fact that we are just about to move into our own premises.  The old Polish town and the knitting leave me stumped but I think that the lady dropping the envelope of money represents the slight concerns I had that we could lose money by renting these premises.  Now, I am hoping that by finding and retrieving the money, and the fact that it had increased considerably, indicates that our new venture will be ok.

Wonder if I’ve got that all right?

The Beauty Within

I saw this tree on a recent visit to a local arboretum.  It was the first tree I saw on the way in, and its impact has remained with me. 

I find it beautiful and I could gaze at it for hours.  It didn’t have the beautiful coloured leaves that the other trees had and I’m not sure it ever did.  But, to me, this tree is every inch as beautiful.

It reminds me that you don’t have to be either young or physically attractive to capture attention.  This tree looks very old, it has no outwardly attractive features, yet to me it speaks volumes.  It has lived and endured, it has seen much in its lifetime and bears the scars.  It has lost its youthful beauty but it has gained so much character.  It is solid, strong, dependable and has stood the test of time.  It's inner beauty and strength really struck a chord with me.

Whilst everyone else took photographs of the splendour and beauty of the other trees, I remained with this one.  I guess the saying is true – beauty is in the eye of the beholder. 

Can you identify with this tree?  I know I certainly can.

Self-Doubt

Today was the final day of my Meditation Teachers Course.  It’s been a fantastic course and I have enjoyed every minute of it.  My fellow students have been a joy to be with.

But today I had a big attack of self-doubt.

We all had to lead a meditation and everyone was so good.  Some had written their own which were so personal and beautiful.  All of the deliveries were perfect and I enjoyed every one.

Then it was my turn.  And there I was, thinking about all the things I forgot to include, all the things I had included and maybe shouldn’t have.  Was I delivering it too fast – was it too slow and boring?  Would they all hate it?  But I did it and then it was over, I had taken them on a journey and brought them back again.  Time for my feedback!

It really wasn’t too bad – yes, of course, there were things I could have done better but why did I think I had to be perfect?  I was learning, no-one expected perfection.  My meditation teaching would be one big learning curve, as was everything in life.  The more I did the better I would become, so why was I beating myself up today?  I guess we all have doubts from time to time, I just have to learn to deal with them!

It never ceases to amaze me how our guides work with us, bringing us exactly what we need at the appropriate moment.   Three things happened this morning that I felt were personal for me – i) before we started our day our tutor led us in a meditation using Diane Cooper’s Wisdom Cards.  The card I drew was “Acceptance” and the affirmation was “I will accept myself and others”; ii) our first student-led meditation was all about increasing self-confidence and self-belief; and iii) the rest of the group didn’t understand what my problem was as they felt my meditation was as good as the others and they enjoyed the experience.  It seemed I was the only one who doubted it.

So, bit of a kick up the bum for me!

Hurricane Sandy

I have spent a lot of time over the past few days thinking about the people on the East Coast of America, sending my love, positive thoughts and, of course, Reiki. 

I’m starting to question why so many people have to suffer, many have lost belongings, their homes and even their lives.  My heart goes out to these people and I want to do something to help.  Yes, I send my positive thoughts and Reiki, but somehow it doesn’t seem enough.  I go to my warm and comfortable bed at night whilst others are spending their nights in shelters and grieving for who and what they have lost.

I know material things are not important in the grand scheme of things, but that’s easy for me to say when I haven’t lost mine.  I would like to think that I would be strong and really be there for others, but I guess none of us really know until we’re put to the test.

I catch fleeting glimpses of the bigger picture, which I know to be true.  We are moving towards ascension and stuff is being shifted.  We have got to change, we cannot continue to treat each other and Mother Earth in the way we have been and we all have to play our part.  I get all that, but it doesn’t make it easier to live through.

So what can I do for people who have to cope with all that life, and nature, throws at them?  Well, probably nothing first hand but I can continue to help all who I come into contact with.  I can help to lift the vibrations of others and spread love wherever I go.  If we all do that, then maybe we will love and protect our planet more and will certainly love and help our fellow man whenever and wherever needed.

God Bless xx

A Meditation Experience

One of the first things I did when I started to meditate seriously was to find my sanctuary.  I found it easy to do and this is now the place I go to daily when I meditate alone.  I feel safe, secure and loved in my special place.

My sanctuary started as a fairly small space – I had a room, a veranda and a shady nook by a river.  I had almost tunnel vision and couldn’t see anything other than what was in front of me.  Over the months my vision is slowly beginning to widen and new aspects of my surroundings are beginning to appear.

I have met with guides and have been taught much.  I never stay too long but while I’m there time seems irrelevant.

Yesterday I went and sat on the veranda but really didn’t see much of my surroundings.  I saw lots of green and I was surrounded by a green mist.  I could breathe it in and out – it filled and surrounded me.  Then, amazingly, I had the sense of floating upwards.  I floated up to my nearby tree and rested there for a while.  I looked down and saw that I was still sitting on the veranda.  I took off from the tree, a bit like a bird flying only I wasn’t a bird.  I was almost formless yet I could change shape.  Although I was moving, sometimes fairly quickly, I was limited to where I could go.  I was confined to my space.  I was conscious of nothing but this floating and flying, this wonderful freedom to move where and how I liked.  After a while I just floated down and became me again.  It wasn’t a conscious thought, I never felt my time was up, it just happened. 

All very weird and I have no idea what it was or what it meant - but I loved it.

Spiritual Development Group #3

For those of you who are following my development within my own group, here's the last one in a nutshell.

This month we placed a ring of flames around the circle for protection.  Didn’t sense our Gladiator, which was a little disappointing but we all felt the rope being passed to us.  Immediately a child was felt clasping a leg but was asked to sit quietly and wait until we finished. 

No camp fire this time but immediately found ourselves by a lake.  It was dark and very cold, the lake was still and clear with the moon reflecting on it.  Some time passed and a man appeared and started walking towards us.  He stopped before he reached us and pulled a scroll from his sleeve and opened it.  We couldn’t hear his words.  He showed us five stones on the ground, not stepping stones but more like small mountains.

In the distance was a cave with a light shining from the opening and we knew that we had to make our way there.  The path was rocky and it was not going to be an easy journey.  It started to snow and vision was limited.  We moved forward together and when one stumbled we were all there for support.

We made it to the cave.  Inside was warm and bright and a table was laden with food.  Beautiful food, lots of fruit and vegetables and the colours were bright – the food looked like jewels.

Our guide appeared and we have now started to refer to him as Papa.  We all smiled and he smiled back at us.  He said we were indeed sisters and that we would stay together.  He sometimes saw the world through our eyes and he didn’t like what he saw.  He came to each of us in turn and gave us a blessing.  He told us that we would each be facing a challenge; it would be a life/work challenge but we wouldn’t be given anything that we couldn't cope with.  The challenge would test our faith and commitment; we wouldn’t realise we were dealing with our challenge until it was over.  We would also be given another challenge that we would face together.  He then came to each of us in turn and pressed his thumbs into the palms of our hands.

He left us then and our attention was back on the child.  We helped him go towards the light and we all sent our love with him.  He was met by his people and as he left us we felt the atmosphere lighten. 

We were back and it was time to close down and give thanks.

We were all delighted to see Papa but this time he had taken his time in coming to us, he was making us wait and this was testing our patience.  He won’t always be with us but will be close by.  The five stones that were presented to us were our five challenges and the path to the cave was showing us that our journey will not always be easy or smooth.

It seems that every time we sit together, someone appears who needs our help to move onwards.  It is lovely to be able to help others as well as learning.

The Sky at Night

Just wanted to share this photo.  I took it last night from my back garden in South Oxfordshire, around 6pm (GMT).  No fancy camera, just my phone.  The colours were stunning and the energy was amazing.  It was over pretty quickly but I think it really highlights the beauty that surrounds us when we take the time to look.

Interpretation

One of my Reiki clients had been suffering from a whole range of emotional issues which led to addiction to medication and estrangement from a parent.  However, the Reiki and listening that I was giving was beginning to prove very beneficial.

Early one morning I began thinking about this client who was due for another Reiki session a little later that day.  Two pictures formed in my mind which seemed quite bizarre and not connected to my client – or were they?

The first picture was of an adult elephant and a baby one.  The large elephant was leading the way, the baby following behind and the view I had was from behind the baby.  A darkness surrounded the pair but there was light around the edge of the picture.   All quite strange and what did it mean?  I pondered this for a while and my thoughts were that the parent had always led the child and, in turn, had blocked the view of what lie ahead.  When the child found out that the parent was not perfect, a darkness surrounded their relationship.  However, the light around the edge of the picture made me feel that the pair would find their way through the situation.  Not sure why the elephants though!

The second image I had was of two empty bowls with spoons in.  I somehow knew that the bowls had once been filled with food and I felt that the parent and child had eaten the food together.  Another sign perhaps of a relationship that might possibly be on the mend.

It seems amazing that I am now beginning to get images and my intuition is beginning to give interpretations.  Is this the beginning of clairvoyance, I wonder.

On the other hand, I could have gotten it all totally wrong !!!!

The Power of Reiki

Earlier this week Gill, my partner in Como, sent me a text to say that a little boy we both knew was very ill in hospital and could I join her in sending Reiki.  He was on a ventilator and in the High Dependency Unit, it was not looking good.  We decided that, if the parents agreed, we would visit that evening and give a little more Reiki directly to him.

When we arrived at the hospital that evening we discovered that he was off the ventilator and had been moved onto a ward.  Things were looking good but his heart rate was still very high.  We started to give Reiki and after a while noticed on the monitors that his heart rate was beginning to drop.  By the time we left the hospital his heart rate had nearly returned to normal.

Absolutely amazing and a real privilege to be able to help this little boy and his parents.

Not all parents have the knowledge of, and access to, Reiki.  Many medics would say that Reiki makes no difference whatsoever and it’s only conventional medicine that works.  But how marvellous would it be if patients were offered Reiki alongside conventional medicine? 

Now I know the sceptics out there would say that this little boy would probably have improved anyway, and maybe he would – who knows.  But if it was your child, what would you do?

Greed

I have just spent a lovely week holidaying in Cyprus.  It was an all-inclusive deal  -  as much food as you could eat and as much alcohol as you could drink. 

What amazed me was the ability of some people to take “all-you-can-eat” literally and ate and drank as much as they could during waking hours.

But it wasn’t the amount that some people can consume that got to me; it was the waste.  Some people gathered plates piled high with food, and not just one plate at a time – the table was filled with them.  Food was shovelled in at such an alarming rate that I am sure the flavours never had a chance to shine through and be savoured.  But as stomachs rapidly filled plates piled high were left untouched and so much food was thrown away.

All over the world children are dying from starvation; in many countries people are suffering from malnutrition; in our own country the elderly living on a pension can’t afford to buy anything other than the basics; outside the hotel cats and dogs were begging and fighting for scraps;  all this whilst so much food is thrown away. 

Now, I do not begrudge anyone eating and drinking what they enjoy and can manage and, believe me, I do enjoy my food as much as the next person.  But I do get upset when people take so much and have no intention of eating it all.  Why not just take one plate of food and then get more if needed – or is that too simple?

I do apologise for my little rant, but it really got to me during my week away.

As Mahatma Gandhi once said “Earth provides enough to satisfy every man's needs, but not every man's greed.”

Dad's Garden

For a long while I needed to do something with an area of the garden that had become a bit overgrown and hard to control.  It was an area that Dad had helped to create many years ago when he was a younger and fitter man, so I didn’t want to dig up the area completely.

I had the idea to turn it into my own Zen Garden, something peaceful and calming and that would still remind me of Dad, so we set about clearing the area.  I had a rough idea what I wanted to achieve so off we went to the local garden centre and bought stones, gravel, pots and plants.  While I was there I saw a beautiful round, solid stone globe that reminded me a little of the planet Saturn.  It cost a fortune so I left it where it was.

Back home with my goodies and we set about laying a liner first of all to help with weed control; on top of the liner we spread Portland Stone chips which glowed white in the warm sunshine; we set random flat stepping stones of slate and at the end of the pathway we added a Buddha; three black square pots planted with blue grass were added – the area was coming together nicely.

The whole time we worked in the garden a beautiful small white butterfly with a blue centre flitted around the garden.  No sooner had it moved away it was back, it seemed it couldn’t quite leave us.  Now, butterflies are quite significant for us and Dad and I’m sure he wouldn’t mind me sharing this with you.  Dad had a way with getting his words wrong and mis-pronouncing them.  A few years ago, during one of his visits, we were sitting in the garden and talking about family things.  As Dad mis-pronouced the word hereditary, coming out as heri-dit-ory, a butterfly flew quite close to us.  My friend was stunned, thinking that Dad knew the name of the butterfly and we’ve laughed for years about this whenever we saw a butterfly.  So on this particular afternoon it was lovely to have the "heriditory" with us, we had Dad’s approval of the new garden.

Of course, the garden was lovely but not quite finished.  So I went back and bought the big stone – Dad’s stone in Dad’s garden.

Meditation Teacher Course

Yesterday was the first day of my Meditation Teacher  Training course and what a great day it turned out to be.  The part I want to share with you is one of the meditations that we did together.

Now, I have been asking for quite a while for my psychic abilities to increase so that I can be more sure of what I’m seeing, hearing, feeling, etc.  I know it’s all tied up with trust but I just think that if everything became clearer I would feel more confident.

For one of our meditations yesterday our tutor used Diana Cooper’s Wisdom Cards.  We all drew a card, read the message and then placed the card on our lap and meditated on the affirmation at the bottom.

The card I drew was Clarity.  Hmmmm, that’s pretty spot on.  So I meditated on the affirmation “my mind is as sharp and clear as a diamond” and immediately I could feel several of my guides drawing closer to me.  A pressure began to build over my third eye and the image of an eye appeared.  It wasn’t clear, but it was there and I so wanted to go into the centre of the eye.  But the meditation was a short one and we were all brought back.  Damn, it was over too soon!

But I had drawn the Clarity card and my intuition was telling me that clarity would be mine with regular meditation.  I think the lesson I learned there was that if you want something, then you have to put the work in to achieve it.

Spiritual Development Group Number 2

Last night was our second Spiritual Development Group and we knew that we had to follow the same format as last month.

We settled around our camp fire and went through our usual routine of opening up and asking for protection.  Immediately our Gladiator appeared, wearing a gold coloured helmet and body armour, a red skirt and leather sandals and holding a sword.  He was our protector, our Gatekeeper.  We were given the rope to hold and, not only did it bind us together, it prevented anyone coming between us.  Each of us, in turn, was draped in a cloak to keep us warm on our journey.

We were guided through the forest towards a shack, a candle glowed from a window and when we arrived there was a pond outside which was crystal clear.  The inside of the shack was breath-taking, completely crystal.  There was a man inside the shack and we instinctively knew that he was the same man as last time.  This time the man was not dressed as a monk but wore robes of gold with crystals down the front.  His face was not hidden this time, he smiled in welcome.  He told us we were his children and he blessed each of us in turn.  The feeling of unconditional love was overwhelming and our tears flowed.  He opened a large book and started to read but we could hear no words.  We asked him what he was telling us but he told us that we already knew and that we needed to look within.  We knew he was guiding and teaching us, he was our Master.  He gave us each a curved sword and told us that we would face a challenge and that we should not shy away from it.  We would face the challenge together and help one another through it.

A woman then wandered in, a lost soul.  There was something wrong with her throat and the feeling was that she had been strangled.  She was quite agitated, we tried to guide her towards the light but she didn’t feel she could go; she was scared.  We knew we had to accompany her on the first part of her journey and, as one, we started to ascend with the woman.  Bright golden lights started to dart around and I tingled from head to toe although I couldn’t feel my body.  People appeared and I knew the woman had to move forward then.  She was reluctant but we told her she had to go; she moved away towards the people who came for her.  When she left we all descended and returned back to the camp fire.  Our journey was over. 

In discussion afterwards it was clear to all of us that this was a follow-on from our first circle.  It was the same guide but this time he had revealed himself to us.  Crystals are very significant with all of us and maybe he is telling us to pay more attention to them.  The unconditional love coming from our guide was overwhelming and we know we have much to learn from him.  I’m not sure why the woman wandered in – was she just attracted to our energy and needed help or was she our first challenge.  Whatever – we had helped her.

We left each other last night feeling so totally blessed.

Self-limiting Beliefs

So I’ve just had this “light-bulb” moment where the truth has smacked me right in the face.  I carry around with me huge self-limiting beliefs which, I am sure, I am not alone in doing.  We all carry ingrained ideas of what we are and what we are not; what we can do and what we can’t.

My belief is that I am no good at any one thing and therefore not as popular as those who excel!  There, I’ve said it – I’ve admitted what I feel.  Of course, logically that’s a nonsense as I know I can do many things and some I can do quite well.  Yes, I have friends and a few that want me for me and not because I come as a package with a group of others. 

But, you see, I’ve always grown up with the belief that I do not excel at anything, I am just Mrs Average.  I was never brilliant at school, or sports – just average.  And the other self-limiting thing I do is compare myself to others – her cakes are always lighter than mine, his writing is so much more interesting than mine, her intuition is so much sharper than mine, and so on and so on.  Because I’ve always carried these beliefs it’s made me feel, if you like, second best  – why would anyone want  me to do something for them when she can do it better, why would anyone want to be my friend when so-and-so is much more interesting and fun.  And then I start to look around for things that have happened that confirm those thoughts.  You begin to see how I have perpetuated this notion?

Well, no more.  It’s now time to shed these beliefs and start to grow into the person I really am.  Yes, there will always be people who can do things better than I can, but that doesn’t mean I am not good at doing them.  Yes, there will always be those who are more popular than me, but that doesn’t make me any less interesting.  OK, at the moment I don’t feel that I excel in any one thing, but that’s because I haven’t found that thing yet.  My own beliefs have held me back.

I am now letting go of those old beliefs, they are not helpful to me.  From now on there are endless possibilities and opportunities for me to shine, and I will.

What a Day

This week my partner in Como and I had one of our monthly business meetings and what a fabulous day it turned out to be.

We had been discussing recently the prospect of finding some premises that felt a little more permanent.  Something  that was more our own, somewhere we could call home.  So our first job on Friday was to look at a local village hall.  Unsure whether it would be suitable or not, we met the booking lady and had a look around.  It had everything we needed, was a good size, the rent was affordable and there was parking space.  What’s more, it was hardly used, it was likely that we could store some of our stuff and there was a possibility of us being given a key if we made regular bookings.  The hall had a lovely feeling and we know that we could add to the energies.  Whilst we were standing talking the door suddenly banged shut and Gill, my partner, felt that our friends upstairs wanted us to be there and they were shutting us in!!

From there we went to The Office, otherwise known as our local!  We found a quiet little corner and sat and discussed our current events, what we could and couldn’t do, what was feasible, what we could afford, etc.  As we talked we began to realise that we were being guided, we were being told of the way to proceed and before too long we had a new structure and a new approach for the coming year.  We had a plan that we both felt comfortable with and that we knew would work.

Our next task was a visit to a local Psychic Fair.  It was a bit of a recce really as we wanted to see how it was run, what sort of stalls were there and whether we could pick up anybody for our own Spiritual and Holistic Fair in December.  The visit was well worthwhile as everyone we talked to were really positive and we picked up quite a few customers.  We are now confident that we will have a hall packed with stalls selling some wonderful stuff, plus some really good people giving readings.

Our day culminated with our Reiki Share Group.  Three new ladies joined us for the evening, two of whom were visitors from Kent and Spain – wow, how good was that.  We totalled 12 and what a fabulous night we had.  The Share was fairly quiet and felt a lot calmer than the one we held a couple of months ago but, nevertheless, the energies were fantastic and each of us got a lot from it.  We are all growing in our knowledge and experience and are moving forward on our pathways.

Phew, what a day!

Development Group

Last night was Spiritual Development night, and it was my turn to decide the agenda for the evening.  I knew what I wanted to do but wondered whether it was the right time.  I wondered whether the others were ready.  I asked my guides for help and as the days passed I became more certain that I should do it.

So last night the four of us held our first circle. 

I am still feeling elated this morning, but still trying to understand it all.  Here’s what happened.

After setting our intent, asking for protection, and asking to connect only with higher beings who wanted to teach us, we settled down and waited.  It didn’t take long before we found ourselves sitting around a camp fire, it was dark with just the glow of the fire and a rope was passed through each of our hands.  We were aware that we were not alone, but we all felt comforted and loved.  A sword was given to us and a Roman Gladiator made his presence felt.  Slowly the darkness began to lighten and we began to rise – it was a bit like being a diver heading towards the surface, towards the light.  As we surfaced we found ourselves on a lake that was so still and calm, in the distance were mountains of a bluish-pink hue.  Everything was so clear and bright, like crystal.  A small church appeared and we slowly drifted, as a whole, towards it.  We went inside and it was lit by hundreds of candles.  At the alter stood a monk, in brown robes but his hood was up which hid his face.  He gave each of us a gift, all in crystal – a ball, a diamond, rods and mine was a 5-point star.  After a while we left the church and we knew it was time to leave.  We slowly descended and found ourselves back round the camp fire, still holding the rope.  We gave our thanks and closed down and then sat for 5-minutes just looking at each other.

We talked for ages and finally came to these conclusions – the camp fire was the energy building, ignited by a spark from each of us.  The rope kept us together and kept us grounded; it was important that we each kept hold of the rope, it was our way back.  The sword and Roman Gladiator were there to protect us.  The crystal lake and mountains were, we think, about clarity.  But we’re not sure about the church; why were we taken there, could it be something to do with belief.  And our gifts – lovely to receive but what do they mean and how should we use them?

We all wholeheartedly agreed that circle work is what we need, and want, to do; we have so much to learn and it’s how we are going to develop further as a group. 

Can’t wait for the next one.

Sharing

When I was a kid I wasn’t too good at sharing.  I was an only child so never had the experience of having to share toys, sweets, parents attention, etc.  As I grew older I learnt to share and I discovered the joy of sharing with the people I loved.  Now that I am much older I miss the people I can no longer share with.

There are so many things that we can share - possessions, knowledge, time, experiences; in fact the list is endless.    How good is it to share a smile and a few words with a stranger?  How lovely is it to share good fortune with others?  How wonderful is it to share an experience with someone close to you?  How fantastic is it to share Team GB’s success with the rest of the nation in our home Olympics?

Now that I am working at, and beginning to fulfil, my mission in life I find that sharing becomes even more important to me than ever.  What is the point in gaining knowledge if I don’t share it with anyone?  What is the point of acquiring skills if no-one benefits from them?

It was this need to share that prompted me to get together with my very special friend Gill to open the Como Centre for Enlightenment.  Between us we have a lot to offer and by combining our skills and enthusiasm we can achieve much.

Of course, I did have to stop and ask myself “what do you have to share?”.  Well, sadly, it’s not money or material things.  But what I can share is the knowledge I have acquired over my lifetime, my life skills and skills that I have taken training for, such as Reiki, counselling, meditation.  I can share the skills I have acquired during my working life – my administration skills will stand me in good stead for organising the events that we wish to undertake at Como.  I can share my time now that I no longer work full-time – that time will be spent helping others in their life and on their spiritual journey.  I can share the contacts that I have made, and those I’ve yet to make, which will help to promote knowledge and awareness to others. 

So yes, I believe whole-heartedly in sharing and giving whatever you can to others – after all, we are all part of source so when we give to others we give to ourselves.

What will you share today?

The Funeral

Dad’s funeral was last Friday and, as funerals go, I have to say it was a good one.

When I awoke that morning I asked my guides and angels to be with me throughout the day and they didn’t let me down.  The first song I heard on the radio when I turned it on was the Eurythmics “There Must be an Angel”.  Everything went according to plan; the church was packed and it was standing room only.  My son read the Eulogy and I was both amazed and so proud of him.  The evening was spent with really good friends; a few drinks, a nice meal and a bit of relaxation.  We had waved my Dad off and now he was home.

I went to see Dad that morning at the funeral home.  I only went because my son wanted to go and I didn’t want him to do it alone.  Dad looked peaceful, but he wasn’t there – it really was an empty shell.  My son and I cried a lot and I guess it confirmed for us that Dad had really gone; I’m glad we went.

The following day the hard work of clearing his home started and what really struck me was how you spend a lifetime collecting bits and pieces to have someone chuck it all out at the end of the day.  There is no way I could fit the contents of Dad’s home into mine and, to be honest, neither would I want to.  Dad’s stuff was his memories, not mine.  So I have one or two little bits, plus loads of photos, and the rest had to go.  But it has made me think about the stuff I have in my own home, the things that I have collected over the years and yes, they do hold lots of memories, but now I believe that life should be more about experiences rather than a collection of things.

Clearing out Dad’s things has made me think about getting my own house in order; one day my Son will have to clear out after me and at the moment it will not be easy.

One of the moments that made me smile was just after I had poured a nearly full bottle of wine down the sink.  There was a loud knocking at the door but when I opened it there was no-one there.  I’m pretty sure it was Dad letting me know that he was not best pleased with me – he did like his glass of wine or two!

So, with everything just about complete, I am left to adjust to a life without my Dad.  And yet I know he’s still with me.

I love you Dad xx

The WI

Just over a year ago I was invited to give a talk on Reiki at a local Women’s Institute meeting.  I accepted, although at that time I had never really spoken in public.  I figured that it was over a year away, a lot could happen in a year and anyway, I could always cancel nearer the time.  I put it out of my mind.

A week ago the lady who made the booking phoned to make sure everything was ok!!  Oh yes, everything’s fine, I told her and then went into panic.

I put together a presentation, wrote some prompt cards and gathered my equipment together.  By yesterday afternoon I had everything I needed to do the talk.

The talk was last night.  I still hadn’t given a public presentation as such although I had said a few words at the opening of our Como Centre for Enlightenment.  I set off for the venue and I will admit to butterflies floating around in a haphazard fashion.  By the time I was introduced I was feeling quite sick and wondering why on earth had I agreed to do this.

I asked my “people” to help, made it through the first few slides and prompt cards and then I found myself digressing – oh, still about Reiki but making it a little more personal and adding my own little stories.  My audience were beginning to get quite involved, they ooed and arred and they laughed.

And then I had finished!  Phew, I’d got through it and then I spent a further 15-minutes answering questions.  We finally stopped because time was running out but as I packed away, the ladies started to come up one by one, with even more questions.

I’m sure I floated back home last night, I was on such a high.  Not only had I pushed myself a little more out of my comfort zone, but I had given loads of information on Reiki to an audience who were really interested, who had been made aware of something they previously knew nothing about and who realised that Reiki was so completely user-friendly that they could do it if they wished.

Many said they would contact me, time will tell whether or not they will, but it doesn’t matter.  I had made a group of ladies aware of Reiki and all its benefits.  I had achieved what I set out to.

Questions

It’s such a beautiful day, the sun is shining and it’s warm – a day to really enjoy the outdoors, when everything appears to be just perfect.  And yet across the world people are suffering.

I am just watching the news and my thoughts are with the people of Colorado after the shooting at a cinema yesterday.  In Norway the people are marking the first anniversary of gun and bomb attacks, and here at home a family is mourning the loss of their son in a tragic accident at the start of the school holidays.  It serves to remind me that all of us are coping with our own issues, at varying levels.

A friend asks why we have to experience pain, illness, loss and death; why do some have a relatively easy life whilst others endure nothing but suffering.  I find it difficult to answer her.

I know that we all have different pathways to walk and what may seem like a charmed life doesn’t always reflect what’s really happening to a person.  I know that past lives play a major part in what we are experiencing today.  I know that we choose what we come back to, what we need to learn in order to progress.  But how do you explain all this to someone who only sees suffering as a tragic manifestation of events that conspire against us?

I battle with loads of unanswered questions too, but I know that to seek answers to my questions I have to look within myself.  I have all the answers I need, I just don’t know how to access them yet.  That's a hard concept to get over to people who are used to looking to others for the answers, but I try.

I have made the decision to follow my heart and work with people who are seeking spiritual development.  I don’t have all the answers, I don’t think anyone has, but I know I want to share the knowledge that I am gaining and the insights that I'm given, in whatever form that may take.

It’s taken me many years, and probably many lives, to get to this stage but I’m here now and I'll work my socks off to progress further.

The Passing

It’s finally happened, my Dad passed on Thursday night and went home.

Through my lifetime I have said goodbye to many people who I have loved, but it’s hard to say goodbye to a parent.  My Dad has always been there for me, through the good times and the tough times, I will so miss not having him around to share my life with.

And yet I am not totally consumed by grief – I am terribly, terribly sad, yes, but I’m ok.  I was eighteen when my Mum passed and I remember that feeling of all-consuming despair, the grief because I would never see her again, the anger that she had been taken from me and, yes, the need to blame someone for her death.

Forty years on and I feel totally different.  Is it because I’m older and wiser?  Is it because my Dad is older and has had a good life?  Is it because at the age of 86 he was nearing his time to go?  Well, yes, it could be any one or a combination of those things, but more importantly I know now that his passing is not the end of my Dad.

Through this whole period of Dad’s illness and passing I have learnt, and am learning, some really valuable lessons.

I have learnt that I don’t always have to be strong for others, so now if I want to cry I will.  Grief is an emotion that I am experiencing right now and I will own it, I will go with it and allow it to flow from me as it will.  Soon it will start to subside.

I have learnt not to feel guilty about things that are outside of my control.  I could not have been with Dad as he passed because he deteriorated too rapidly to allow me to make the 2-hour journey to be with him.

I will not allow others to make me question myself as to whether I could have/should have done more.  I did what I could at the time and I will not live with regrets.

I guess when anyone passes, the past and the memories are at the forefront of the mind.  My memories are, on the whole, happy and loving ones.  Yes there are a few that could be better but who wouldn’t change a few things if it were possible?  What I am finding now is that I’m looking at the not so good memories and releasing them, so I am having a real good clearing out of all the clutter and things that no longer serve me.

Through this sad time in my life I find that I am learning things of such value, I am embracing the situation rather than seeing it as something that I have to get through as quickly as possible.

During this past week I have felt such tremendous love and support from my guides and angels.  They have been there to help guide me through some of the decisions I have had to make, and they will be with me tomorrow when I have to register the death and make the final arrangements, they will be with me through the funeral, and they will be with me in the weeks that follow as I adjust to a life without my Dad.

One Day at a Time

“Let’s take it one day at a time” - I used to hate those words.  I didn’t want to take it one day at a time – I wanted to know what was going to happen, I wanted to plan, I wanted to be in control.  I wanted to know what the end result would be.

When I had cancer I was constantly being told “let’s just take it one day at a time”.  I wanted to scream and yell at the doctors – why couldn’t they answer my questions, why couldn’t they tell me I was going to be ok?

These past few weeks after my Dad’s stroke I had those same feelings.  The doctors couldn’t give me any answers and I couldn’t make any plans.  I felt out of control and my life was in limbo, exactly the same feelings I had during the cancer.

Only this time I took time out and really started to think about the way I was feeling, why did I need to be in control of everything?  Well, I still don’t know the answer to that but I do know it doesn’t have to be that way.

A few months ago I decided that I would try to live more in the present, be in the now, but it wasn’t always easy to do.  And, of course, it was easier when my life was running smoothly.  Now I have issues to deal with, emotions get in the way and I have to deal with all the practical stuff that comes with being the only child of a parent who’s preparing to pass.

I’m not pretending it’s easy but, you know, living in the now actually does work.  Why worry about doing something when today you can do nothing about it.  Put it out of your mind until tomorrow, or the day that it will be possible to do something.  And actually what I have found is some of the things that I worried about at the beginning of my Dad’s illness are now totally irrelevant because events have overtook the need for action.  The worry about what I should do at that time was pointless.

This morning I woke up whittling about whether I needed to get the gas board to turn off the gas to the cooker, but I can’t do anything today because it’s Sunday.  It’s out of my mind now, I’ll think about it again tomorrow.

So I recommend trying to live in the now, the present moment  – give it a go, what have you got to lose?

An Eventful Share

This week we had another Reiki Share and it felt like we stepped up a notch and moved on to a whole new level.  I don’t know if this kind of thing happens in other shares, but we all felt that it was more than just giving and receiving Reiki that evening.

We started in our usual way with an opening prayer, asking for the perfect evening for all concerned, asking for protection, and asking to connect with higher beings.  We had a 10-minute meditation and then moved over to the bed.

The energy was high and we all felt a lot of activity in the room.  Reiki was flowing and I felt the energy like I never have before.  What was amazing was how we all felt so connected, that we worked as one rather than individuals.  Then three things happened.

We became aware that we had a lot of observers present.  They wanted us to know that they were extremely grateful to us for doing what we were doing and that, although we had free will, we had chosen to spend our evening working in this way.  They reminded us that gratitude worked both ways.  I felt really humbled.

The second thing to happen gave us slight cause for concern as we all felt, to varying degrees, that there was someone present who we thought shouldn’t really be there.  We wondered how he had got through when we had been so particular about protection.  But, it turned out, he was not harmful in any way just extremely pompous and arrogant.  He was a master healer and appeared to be on one massive ego trip so he had been brought to us to observe and learn.  As soon as we recognised him for what he was, he left.

The final thing that happened was that I became aware of a bus pulling up and loads of people getting off.  They stood milling around watching us and appeared to be waiting for something.  We finished working and formed a circle to give thanks and close ourselves down.  It was at that point that we directed Reiki to the people from the bus and bathed them in white light.  They got back on the bus and went on their way.  Most strange.

So a most unusual evening, and what an amazing one.  Not only had we all given and received Reiki, we had helped the arrogant man on an ego trip by sending him off into the light, we had bathed a bus load of people in Reiki energy and while light, and we had received grateful thanks from the higher beings.   I so love what I do!

Do you have eventful Reiki Shares too?

Indigo Children

About a week ago I was asked if I had heard of Indigo Children.  Well yes I had, but I didn’t know too much about them so I did a bit of research and was then able to give a more informative reply to my enquirer.

A few days after that a question cropped up concerning a child who was clearly seeing spirit and appeared to be quite intuitive.  The first thought that crossed my mind was “is this an Indigo Child?” and I joined the debate along those lines.

Earlier this week I was contacted by a lady offering to come and give a talk about – yes, you’ve got it – Indigo Children.

Now some may say “coincidence”, but I gave up on coincidences some time ago.  There is no doubt in my mind that I am being guided and that the right people at the right time are being sent to us.  I continue to be amazed, and so extremely grateful, for the help that we are getting with our Como Centre for Enlightenment and I can now say quite confidently that I trust that all will be as it should be with our venture.

So now I’m busy organising this talk and I am loving every minute of what I’m doing.

It's Been a Long Week

It’s exactly one week since my Dad had a stroke and it’s been a week of highs and lows.  There have been several times when we thought “this is it”, but he’s hanging on in there and yesterday was the best I’ve seen him all week.  We’re not out of the woods yet, but we’ll just have to wait and see what happens.

Obviously I’ve been giving and sending him Reiki on a daily basis, and what is really amazing me is that I continue to step out of the way and allow the guides to work.  I had anticipated that I would not be able to do that because I was too emotionally involved.  I thought that I would want to ask for a specific outcome, but no, I am sending the Reiki for his highest possible good.  Quite amazing.

I’m also surprised that I am a lot calmer than I thought I would be and I think my step-family are surprised by my reactions.  Yes, of course I’m upset about what’s happened to my Dad, but I can’t be so demanding of a medical team who don’t have all the answers and can’t comment on his long-term recovery.  I can’t make plans for 6-weeks ahead because I just don’t know what will happen.

I am learning to live in the now, and I am happy to do so.  I don’t know what tomorrow will bring, I hope it will be good but worrying today will not change tomorrow.  I will do my bit by setting good intentions and sending Reiki.

It’s funny you know, although I’ve always known about the bigger picture, I think I am now beginning to realise that it is so.  Dad’s stroke, while horrendous for him and us in this lifetime, is but a fraction of the lifetimes to come.  It’s like I am getting little glimpses of the whole and then I snap back into now – does that make sense?  It’s quite difficult to explain but I’m sure you’ll know what I’m talking about.

So – my Dad’s had a stroke and it’s pretty horrible for all of us.  But we’re not the only family going through this, there is a whole building, at just that one hospital, of families who are coping the best way they can.  I hope that at some point I might be of use to some of the patients and families, but we will see.

I hope I am learning many lessons through this experience, I certainly feel they are there for me.

After the High ...

After floating around on a bit of a high all day Saturday after the launch of Como, I came crashing back down on Sunday.

Two things happened – the first was I developed a cold.  I’m sure I had probably been incubating it for a few days, but once everything had returned to normal my body allowed it to break free!  Not too bad in the grand scheme of things and plenty of self-Reiki will ensure a speedy recovery.

The second thing that happened, and more devastating for me, was that my father had a stroke!  He is 87-years old and lives alone but amazingly he happened to be with a neighbour when it happened.  He was obviously taken straight to hospital and I rushed to be there, but it’s a two and a half hour drive away and it seemed to take forever.  When I got to the hospital he was conscious but had lost his speech and was paralysed down the right side of his body.

I felt totally useless and out of control, all I could do was pump tons of Reiki into him and boy, was he drawing it.

It’s early days to think about the long-term prognosis but, for him, this is the worst possible thing that could happen and I am not sure how he will cope.  He’s a very independent, proud man and the limits his age places on his body already frustrates him.

At this point in time I’m not sure of my own feelings.  Part of me wants him to pass over to a better life but I don’t want to lose my Dad.

The one thing that is helping so much is the knowledge that there is better to come for him.  I am trying hard to live in the now – worrying will not change a thing, but it’s hard.

We all have to lose people we love, and I’m certainly not looking for the sympathy vote here, but I just want to share how much Reiki and my spiritual knowledge is helping me at the moment.  I’m concerned that others might think I’m heartless and callous but, really, I only want the best for my Dad.

But it’s his journey to make and, although I will be with him as much as I possibly can, this is one journey that I can’t make with him.

The Launch

Gill, Dominic & Me at the Launch of  Como

Well it happened and boy did it happen!

It feels like I have spent the last week on a rollercoaster and now that I am off, I have that giddy adrenaline rush and the feeling of “wow, I want to do it again”.

As most of you know, last week I was whittling about the number of tickets we had sold and whether our guest speaker, Dominic James, would feel a bit let down by the low numbers.  After all, he was a Reiki Master and published author and probably used to speaking to larger audiences.  I suppose in a way I felt a little in awe that we had managed to get a “famous” person – after all he had made TV and radio appearances!

As the week went by, ticket sales slowly crept up and by mid-week we had reached 30.  Well, I thought, that’s pretty good although it didn’t quite reach my expectation, although I hadn’t a clue what my expectation really was!  I felt it only fair to let Dominic know how many people he should expect in the audience.  In a way I was trying to manage his expectations a little, although heaven knows I hadn’t managed my own.

Friday came, and I had one last session of pleading and begging with my guides to make it the perfect evening for us, and oh boy did they come through with the goods.  Even the rain stopped yesterday and we had brief spells of sunshine.

We totalled just over 40 people in the hall last night, and the energy was amazing.  Dominic was just adorable and more nervous, I think, than I was.  But the evening just flowed, Dominic told us of his life, his writing and his Reiki journey, he answered endless questions and stayed until the very end talking to everyone who approached him. 

So we launched the Como Centre for Enlightenment in grand style and, most appropriately, during Reiki Awareness Week.  Our audience was fantastic, they interacted well, asked questions and made suggestions.  Gill and I now have lots of work to do to ensure that Como meets the needs of all.  We already have two events in the diary – a “Fun with Crystals” workshop at the end of September and a “Holistic and Spiritual Fair” at the beginning of December.

I think my main lessons from this have to be, once again, trust and also learning to manage my expectations.  I know this is the right thing for me to do, and I’m sure we can make it successful, but sometimes I do tend to let everyday life and thoughts overshadow what I know deep down to be right.

But then, I am a work-in-progress!